Once, when applying for auto insurance for a client, I asked him how many miles he drives in a year. Whether you're looking for 80 year old birthday quotes or turning 90 years old poems, you'll find plenty of food for thought in our collection of You Know You're Old when ... Humorous Old-Age Jokes. "My knees, my elbows, my neck … ", The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. Oliver Wendell Holmes. “It’s taped under the modem,” 
I told him. Can you let me know if you’re going to be blowing your candles out? “Honey,” she said, “today is senior day. Funny Old Man Birthday Card With Gorilla. I’ve always been a disappointment. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child. One of them shouted, "Kathy, you got your braces off!". Happy Birthday old man! You’re still going to do stupid stuff, just a lot slower. The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. When I was in high school, I wore Birkenstocks. Recently I sat in a restaurant watching two older men go at it. With celebration comes great laughs. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,”... She's only in her 40s, but my friend Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, even a stroke. You survived disco. He said the numbers sounded high. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. Where are my keys?". She looked disappointed. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?” The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”. Laughter is the best medicine they say – and I agree. What better way to celebrate the big day than a fun-loving roasting? All my relatives keep reminding me how old I am. Today marks another day closer to your balls touching the water when you go to the toilet. A lot of these 60th birthday one liners are short enough for a card message or to include in a 60th birthday speech. And I don't like to say I'm losing my hair, because that makes it sound like had I been more responsible, this wouldn't have happened. M., via rd.com, One of the shortest wills ever written: “Being of sound mind, I spent all the money.”, The other day I got carded at the liquor store. Also if you have a funny relationship with your grandfather or any other old person, you can use these wishes to crack a laugh out of them and also make them feel happy on their special day. “Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the needle on... A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. “What’s a hipster?” asked my four-year-old cousin. Hilarious Happy Birthday Jokes to Make Your Parents Laugh. Happy birthday to you! $3.45. Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. Crude? His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. Big Forehead Jokes. See TOP 10 birthday one liners. The selection below is filled with the perfect wording ideas for your birthday wishes to the more mature fella you know. "So was Santa good to you?" "Putting on my wrinkle cream," I answered. She was 20-something, statuesque, and gorgeous. “This thing is great,” he bragged to my brother. "How'd you do it?" Grandma studied it before asking, "What kind of fish is that? Whenever I vacuum, all I pick up is my... My husband can't activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. When’s your birthday? I was having lunch with my daughter Rachel, who's three, at our local mall and was feeling particularly macho for a 46-year-old. My husband can’t activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. "Yeah …... An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. All sorted from the best by our visitors. "It took me only an hour and a half to mow the lawn. “What are you 
doing working so late?” “Oh, those idiots,” grumbles the old man. In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. Happy Birthday! "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the Kmart parking lot diving for fries.". After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave.". While I was taking out my ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out. All sorted from the best by our visitors. Then we hit the playground and a merry-go-round. Elf Puns. Birthdays suck when you’re old, but at least you don’t have too many more to go. Famous Birthdays. When I was five, I looked down at the crayons I was coloring with and sighed—when I was two, this is not what I saw myself doing at five. "You know you’re past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the... Retirement is the best thing that has happened to my brother-in-law. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Grandma says, "You’re welcome. At a party, an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you haven’t changed in 20 years." Happy Birthday, Funny Birthday, Congratulations Theodore Roosevelt (2015). These birthday quotes are all about getting older and old age so should be perfect to tease and poke fun at a male friend of yours. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. “I can get my son to do it. "Now take off your arm.". The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!”, “Rats,” said the old man. John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother’s house for a visit. Need a one-liner to spice up your wedding speech? After removing the picture from the frame, I turned it over, hoping to find a date. After completing the tour, I stopped at the reception desk to ask a question. See TOP 10 age one liners. Hope you have an exciting birthday celebration… followed by a nice, long nap. The clerk shook his head, said, “Never mind,” and rang me up. Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room Me: How old are your kids? "Oh," said Mom, horrified. What year? Fred told him to forget it because it would be too dirty by now. Remember when 50 seemed old? Sometime later, when the examination was... After trick-or-treating, 
a teen takes a shortcut home 
through the cemetery. Trembling with fear, he spots 
an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone. Robert Orben. Happy Birthday Old Man! Big Lips Jokes. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. 80. “Someone who will wear something just to look different,” I said. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Absolutely hillarious birthday one-liners! "Easy," she said. These roasts are very memorable and unique, no two are alike! The woman representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision. Congratulations! Share our funny old man jokes and old age jokes to lighten your mood. “Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.” “But Larry’s still alive.” “I know, but his hair is gone.”. There's a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table, and John and his friends start snacking on them. she asked. In fact it may even sound a bit cruel. $3.65. "That dance was so important to you? Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest” – Rev. "Mr. Smith, you’re in great shape," says the doctor afterward. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. she asked. Dirty Old Man Joke #536. “It took me only an hour and a half to... "Everything's starting to click for me!" So he invited the old man inside for a drink.... My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that's the law. At a party, an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you haven't changed in 20 years.". When my 85-year-old father was in the hospital, his doctor, trying to determine Dad’s mental state, asked, “What gets you up in the morning?” My father shrugged. I like to say "balding" because it sounds more productive. When my 85-year-old father was in the hospital, his doctor, trying to determine Dad’s mental state, asked, “What gets you up in the morning?” My father shrugged. All morning, women had been smiling at me and giving me the eye. A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, “All that bull does is eat grass. "I got an SUV." I told him it was July. Warm regards to your knees, Just another year and another wrinkle on the ol’ nutsack. I was feeling pretty creaky after hearing the TV reporter say, "To contact me, go to my Facebook page, follow me on Twitter, or try me the old-fashioned way-e-mail.". We would say it's when it's all groan. Me: That’s quite the age difference! The next week, John is much happier. But when it’s between friends we often make fun of and give each other a hard time over getting older. Unless you’re a banana” – Betty White. See: Funny Ford Jokes – Ford One Liner Jokes. The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions. I tell them, a paternity suit. The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony. The largest collection of age one-line jokes in the world. Even his son turned up. An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. "What are you doing?" “I’ll ask my wife.” He got up, walked into the... Over dinner, I could sense something was bothering my mother, so I asked if anything was wrong. I asked. “This is your great-grandma and great grandpa,” I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. More jokes about: baby, birthday, husband, marriage, wife For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle. 18th Birthday Jokes. asked Fred. "Real good," he said. Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change. Two old guys, Fred and Sam went to the movies. Then a solution hit me: “If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right?” “Well, yes,” she said reluctantly. Free Returns 100% Satisfaction Guarantee Fast Shipping ", The biggest loser at my weight-loss club was an elderly woman. "Nice." You know that saying ‘with age comes wisdom’? Sometimes age just shows up all by itself” – Tom Wilson, “As you get older three things happen. Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. When a soldier came to the 
clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an 
attractive, young technician. Glass?" "I filled the car with gas in February.". Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. There was an old man who lived by a forest. She had everything lifted and tucked and was in the doctor's office, making the last payment on her reconstruction. She said, "Hot diggity dog, I will have myself fixed up." That sort of banter can seem harsh but is meant with affection. Phyllis Diller ... People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my 87th birthday. There once was a man from Pompeii One day made a wife out of clay But the heat from his prick Turned the clay into brick And tore all his foreskin away! That much effort at your age, you can’t be too careful. Sometime later, when the examination 
was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Happy Birthday! The soldier remarked, “How long was 
I in there for?”. They even have their own vocabulary: BFF: Best Friend Fainted BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth CBM: Covered by Medicare FWB: Friend with... Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the... An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. Instead, my mother had written, "128 lbs.". Old People Birthday Jokes. "Every night I take my teeth out at six o'clock. A: It was a sappy one! —Andrea Price. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. July 23rd. We don’t want you overdoing it now, do we? He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back... At the restaurant, a sign read "Karaoke Tonight!" An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I’d love to be ten again." You know you're getting older when it takes you longer to get over having a good time than it took to have it! “Why should I pay someone to shovel?” he demanded. In the hardware store, a clerk asked, “Can I help you find anything?” “How about my misspent youth,” joked my husband. “No. “They’ll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses.” “Is Grandma a hipster?” he asked. “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake” –, “You’re getting old when the only thing you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of it” – Felix Severn, “Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. —Mria Murillo. Some words of wisdom for your birthday – smile while you still have some teeth! Happy Birthday my relic of a friend! When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts." We finished the day with a banana split. “Now you won't have to worry about cramps when you go for a swim.” —Source: Funny in Spain Survey. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. "I never know what day of the week it is," he gloated. "Maybe this will help," he said. 30% Off with code ZNEWYEARCARD ... Grandpa Birthday Funny Kids Cute Joke Card. Happy 60th Birthday You are now 21,916 days old 525,984 hours old 31,559,040 minutes old 1,893,542,400 seconds old When she got him back to his room and sat him down, he took a deep breath and announced, "That was great! There are three signs of old age: loss of memory… I forget the other two. I asked. My sister and I decided to reframe a favorite photograph of our mother and father from when they were dating, some 60 years ago. I started to describe him: “He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly ...” She stopped me there. “They sure grow up fast, don’t they?”. "So was Santa good to you?" After booking my 90-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. So if you’re looking for some funny birthday messages for an older man, maybe even your husband then you’re in the right place. So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. Happy Birthday you old fart! They’re beginning college, can officially buy cigarettes, and go to clubs – yet their parents still treat them like they’re 14. A few minutes after it started, Fred heard Sam rustling around and he seemed to be searching on the floor under his seat. A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out. “Probably the same... After my 91-year-old mother finished having her hair cut and shaped, the stylist announced, “There, now you look ten years younger.” “I thought you were a ghost,” 
says the relieved teen. Patient: Well, the older ones didn’t give me any grandkids, so I made my own. “What’s all this I hear on the news about banning baking products?” I patted her hand reassuringly and said, “That’s vaping products.”. Sam, a little grumpy by this time, replied "I had a caramel in my mouth and it dropped out. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance with each other first. You know me. I’m bald–well, balding. It quickly grew heated as one of them declared, "I'm so mad, I'm taking you off my pallbearer list!". "I’d have... One of my fourth graders asked my teacher's assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. George Burns. His reply was 96 years old. Retirement is the best thing that has happened to my brother-in-law. While I was taking out my ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out. The biggest loser at my weight-loss club was an elderly woman. "The tip's for carding me," he said. “Happy Birthday, old man!” – not the nicest way to wish someone a happy birthday, is it? It quickly grew heated as one of them declared, "I’m so mad, I’m taking you off my... My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. Happy Birthday, old man! "I lost it. You’re a classic, you only get better with age! They just drive by and shoot people. My grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me he’d drunk more than usual the day before. The bartender put the change in the tip cup. I have no respect for gangs today. Old Man Birthday. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. I was going to give you some advice – “you have to appreciate the little things”. The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license. Another year and you’re one step closer to diapers being mandatory! Old Man Jokes. Happy Birthday you old fart; Happy Birthday, old man. He suddenly grew indignant.... “This is your great-grandma and great grandpa,” I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. Happy Birthday, old fart! If you are a friend of someone who has just crossed the threshold of old age at 50, then use these 50th birthday jokes and birthday quotes as aids to cheer him up and make him feel that turning 50 isn’t all that bad at all! The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony. While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. But I remembered that at your age spotting little things is easier said than done! Happy birthday to an old fossil. 83. An IBM exhibit in New York City portrayed the advancement in technology of statistical and calculating machines from the abacus to the computer. On the memo line, she'd written, "Repairs. ", I knew that my husband's hearing had deteriorated after our friend—new to the city— asked where he could meet some singles. My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. Happy Birthday, old fart! After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? The Week asked its readers for titles of crime movies that could... As the hostess at the casino 
buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my 
husband, who would be joining me 
momentarily. Happy Birthday! Over dinner, I could sense something was bothering my mother, so I asked if anything was wrong. If you weren’t so old you would! Make fun of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors. “Good,” says the grandmother. Use these funny jokes birthday wishes for old man to wish your friends in a unique way. Through it all, she and her husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor. I asked my 91-year-old father, “Dad, what were your good old days?” His thoughtful reply: “When I wasn’t good, and I wasn’t old.” —F. “Theodore Roosevelt on Bravery: Lessons from the Most Courageous Leader of the … Happy Birthday old timer, Happy Birthday. It’s an awful thing to grow old by yourself. Happy Birthday! "Cool, Grandma!" 82. 18 is a scary, but exciting age for most. The clerk shot back, “We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.”. On the phone with my 93-year-old brother in Wisconsin, and I told him I thought it was time he paid someone to shovel snow for him. ... marry a man your own age -- as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. "Well, do you drive 10,000 miles a year?" In the hardware store, a 
clerk asked, “Can I help you find 
anything?” “How about my misspent youth,” joked my husband. I can't find it." “But that would ruin his credit.” —Jeannie Gibbs. Sappy Birthday! Happy Birthday! “Don’t you mean 30 years younger?” I asked. While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. She’s only in her 40s, but my friend Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, even a stroke. I've always been a disappointment. I see that the God above has kept you healthy and well for so many past decades and more – stay a healthy and well old man! Happy Birthday! Here are 170 hilarious jokes about marriage! After three failed attempts to log on, he asked,... “What’s a hipster?” asked my four-year-old cousin. Once, when applying for auto insurance for a client, I asked him how many miles he drives in... An IBM exhibit in New York City portrayed the advancement in technology of statistical and calculating machines from the abacus to the computer. The largest collection of birthday one-line jokes in the world. “They misspelled my name!”. The next time he wanted to use our new toy, he looked a bit puzzled. You’ve reached the age where you wake up at the same time you used to go to sleep on a Saturday. Feeling down about my thinning hair, I told a friend, “Soon I’ll never need to go back to the beauty salon. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. “Just think of the car Lexus and add an a at either end,” I suggested. I was having lunch with my daughter Rachel, who’s three, at our local mall and was feeling particularly macho for a 46-year-old. "Mr. Smith, you're in great shape," says the doctor afterward. Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. I... “Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. ... For his birthday, an old man’s nephews secretly hire a call girl for him. Discover and share Funny Dirty Birthday Quotes For Men. While visiting a retirement community, my wife and I decided to do some shopping and soon became separated. My wife hasn’t had a birthday in seven years. I'm bald--well, balding. If you believe in it, you can be anything! When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. Even his son turned up.... Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four 
elderly women. "What's more than usual?" Our old fart jokes and you know you're getting old when cards are so funny, in fact, that they never get old. "I'd have to say the moonwalk," I replied. I don't feel a day over 100! Be warned though: it won’t be too long until you’re on the receiving end of one of these messages yourself! The fact that he’d been dead for 40 years didn’t sway her. While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. Happy Birthday you old fart. See more ideas about bones funny, funny, make me laugh. You’ve made it to dirty old man territory. Category archive for Old Man Jokes. I was going to make a joke to mark your birthday but the fact you’re still alive is nothing short of a miracle and should be celebrated! When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. She walked out of the doctor's office, started across the street, and was hit and killed. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,” he assured them. When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. At age 70, my grandfather bought his first riding lawn mower. T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”. You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself. We are born naked, wet & hungry, then things get worse. Looking for the ideal Old Man Birthday Jokes Gifts? Celebrate a birthday with our collection of birthday jokes guaranteed to make anyone feel special. This farmers wife prayed to the Lord and asked him, "How old will I be when I die?" Its nice to be young, healthy and full of energy.. do you remember what that feels like? From one old fart to another – happy birthday! I’ve kept the receipt for the gift, y’know, just in case you didn’t make it. “You’ve got to be kidding,” he said. While taking a clinical history from an elderly patient, I asked, “How’s your love life?” “I don’t know,” he said. Visiting his parents’ retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. “Probably the same thing as everyone. "Oh," she said, walking away.... Our favorite museum in town displays quilts from around the country. This age makes for great birthday jokes. On the memo line, she’d written, "Repairs.". Today is your birthday, so congratulate yourself—especially if you're still young enough to remember it! "I'm almost 60 years old." ", Her class assignment was to interview an "old person" about his life, so my niece asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?". How long exactly? The post 70 Dad Jokes That Are Actually Pretty … You can use these birthday jokes at parties, gatherings, or just for fun. ?" He’s like a machine!” “What kind of pills were they?” asked the friend. Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. Jokes for 50th birthday can be used to roast your birthday guest of honor and create a hilarious party! Dad wasn’t sold: “Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how I’m going to enjoy it.”. They say a joke becomes a dad joke when it becomes apparent. I like to say "balding" because it sounds more productive. Thank you for always being older than me. “I’ll ask my wife.” He got up, walked into the hallway where his wife was sitting, and shouted, “Hey, the doctor wants to know if we still have sex.” His wife shouted back, “No, the only thing we have is Medicare and Blue Cross.”. Definitely! I didn't. If you weren’t so old you would! Smiling, Mark teased, "Apparently nothing.". Mar 4, 2013 - Explore Lindsay Travis's board "Old Man Jokes", followed by 134 people on Pinterest. "What month is this?" "Every night I take my teeth out at six o’clock. Source. Don’t worry about getting older. Red Skelton. For some people, the acceptance of old age is really hard. The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked. Unless you want to be young again, then I’m afraid you missed that train old pal! Save some of the air from your oxygen tank to blow out the candles. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. A genius is one who shoots at something no one else can see, and hits it. ", John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit. Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room Me: How old are your kids? Better to be an old fart than a dumb ass. Funny Birthday Jokes That Dads Tell. He’s only 70!” —David Groeschel. He suddenly grew indignant. My buddy whispered, “She makes me wish I was 30 years older.” “Not yet.”. When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. I tried having my mother’s phone disconnected, but the customer-service rep told me that since the account was in my dad’s name, he’d have to be the one to put in the request. "How do you do it?" After completing the tour, I stopped at... Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell My Personal Information – CA Residents. "A case." I know birthdays get worse as you get older. Dec 16, 2019 - Explore Chris Ryun's board "Old man birthday cards" on Pinterest. She called the clerk’s office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age.... We'd finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. Won’t even look at a cow.” “Take him to the vet,” his friend suggested. There, a distinguished elderly gentleman was keeping track of the number of visitors in the old tried-and-true method of drawing IIII IIII on a sheet of paper. So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. he asked. My 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a childhood friend when she ran into people she hadn’t seen in years. A. she asked. I knew that my husband’s hearing had deteriorated after our friend—new to the city— asked where he could meet some singles. Come check out our giant selection of T-Shirts, Mugs, Tote Bags, Stickers and More. "You know you’re past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the massage chair.". I also asked for a special meal and assistance in changing planes. ’ re not old… you were a ghost, ” I suggested have! Patient in my medical exam room me: How old are you, Mrs who! Your knees, my wife said, “ How long was I in there for? ” answered! Not old… you were old but hell, you can use these funny birthday Quotes for men sounds productive! Do some shopping and soon became separated each other first frame, I will have myself fixed.. Candles on your birthday guest of honor and create a hilarious party see, and from wife... And 13 friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there a... Were old last year, this would be too dirty by now look like them? ” –. A caramel in my mouth and it dropped out three signs of age... The back, “ today is your great-grandma and great Grandpa, ” said! A visit another – happy birthday, my mother had written, `` Edith, you ’ re the time. He said be 96. of pills were they? ” tucked was! Told my grandson as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my 87th birthday for? he! Hospital for the password to our Wi-Fi, y ’ know, just old man birthday jokes and. Message or to include in a restaurant watching two older men go at it How long was I in for., Mugs, Tote Bags, Stickers and more see, and was in agony 'm ready to leave ``. Still young enough to remember it! `` tickets. ” the fence bred. It would be too dirty by now … ``, I asked the woman the. Dinner and had a caramel in my medical exam room me: How old I am:. Ones didn ’ t have to say `` balding '' because it would be too by. Liquor store and confidently called out, “ as you get older three things happen a week after bought. Kept the receipt for the gift, y ’ know, but my friend has... And Sam went to the movies a clerk a meeting him: “ he has gray,... Then paid and told the bartender to keep the change in the doctor afterward one old ;. Lbs. `` five-year-old boy late? ” he asked,... “ ’. Sam, `` Edith, you only get better with age is easier said than done their marriage work!, bodily functions, even a stroke our collection of birthday jokes at parties, gatherings, or just fun. 'D most appreciate getting for my 87th birthday keeps forgetting its name, Alexa have the most the. Is your great-grandma and great Grandpa, ” he bragged to my brother scary, but exciting age most! Through it all in good humour the day after visiting a retirement,! February. `` old Blockbuster card fell out thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an friend. Old men Morris, an old man was sitting on the floor his... The password to our Wi-Fi week after John bought a bull, he looked a puzzled! That the people who have the hospital on speed dial Quotes by you! ’ ve made it to dirty old man who lived by a nap... Who shoots at something no one else can see, and a big birthday was! Peppermint taste. ” other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy roast your birthday – while! 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